How to get rid of a sense of loneliness. How to get rid of loneliness and find a loved one

Loneliness is not such a simple phenomenon as it may seem at first glance. It can be a pathological or normal, to be a conscious choice of man or the consequence of its insolvency in life. If you are looking for ways to get rid of loneliness, then it is likely that it does not please you, which means you did not choose it. Or did they choose, without understanding? It is from this position that I propose to consider this question.

Loneliness is a person's detachment from real Mira (physical, mental, mental) due to the reluctance or inability to establish contacts with others. According to the theory of K. Rogers, loneliness is due to the contradictions of an individual with his own me; This is an option for deadaption (the problem with the assimilation of social experience).

• Loneliness is not necessarily associated with social isolation. As a rule, there is, as a rule, against the background of the violation of traditional social situations of development and situational interaction of the individual with other individuals. That is, we are talking about deformation in the passage of mandatory, corresponding age elements and forming models of interaction.
• For example, in adolescence it is necessary to communicate with peers. If the individual was deprived of this, he did not have learned to interact with any opposite, nor with identical floors. The result is loneliness in youthful and adult age.

Loneliness is always based on opposite poles of feelings. That is, the person simultaneously feels, for example, fear and interest.

What relates to pathology

The extreme variant of pathological solitude is autism (the impossibility of establishing social contacts with subsequent isolation). This is an independent clinical disease that requires relevant psychotherapeutic assistance. Therefore, in this article I will not describe autism.

Instead, we will talk about nonpatological forms in which, as a rule, the feeling of misunderstanding, non-recognition, dislike, lack of support and other. Nepatological loneliness in one way or another experienced, perhaps, every person. As the concept of E. Fromma, loneliness is an integral line of human existence.

Two reference positions clearly differentiate pathology from the norm:

1. Under the norm, loneliness does not change the communicative and human activity sphere.
2. With the pathological negative destructive nature of loneliness, the scope of communication and activity of the personality is noticeable.

Loneliness levels

Existential loneliness is the widest level. In addition to him, social and psychological loneliness allocate.

1. Social due to misunderstanding (non-acceptance) of society culture (change of values, immorality, change ambient By virtue of growing and changing location location), that is, this is an individual of society. But it can also be based on an individual by the Company of the Individual (due to low status, other views).
2. Psychological loneliness is due to intrapersonal conflicts, contradictions, crisis. A person is experiencing the whole range of emotions and sometimes does not understand why loneliness feels. In the "cocktail" such loneliness includes personal values \u200b\u200band installations, character, temperament, interests, needs and desires.

Types of solitude

I want to introduce you to several classifications of loneliness.

According to the mechanism of perception

The first is based on the psychological mechanisms of perception of its state of personality and characteristics of the longestness.

Alienating loneliness

A person aware of his condition and his reason. The removal mechanism is included (from norms, values, people, around the world).

Diffuse loneliness

The identification mechanism is involved. The man dissolves so much in society, which loses himself. He does not understand himself and frightened. Sometimes a person is not aware of alienation from himself.

Dissociated solitude

More than the rest approximately to pathology. Manifested by mixing mechanisms for identification and removal. At first, the person "dissolves" in someone, unconditionally accepts it and begins to see himself (as bad). Gradually, he begins to see in this person and his unwanted qualities. First, partial removal arises, and then complete.

Managed solitude

What you need to strive for. This is a balance between self-knowledge (reflection, self-regulation, resistance to society) and identification with society. It is about the preservation of its uniqueness when maintaining social contacts.

According to the type of personality

The second classification is based on the definition of the type of single people and the expression of their subjectivity.

Hopelessly alone

Completely renounced people who are not satisfied with their relationship. They have no permanent partner or spouse, a circle of communication. They do not even communicate with their neighbors. Feel abandoned and empty. At the same time, tend to blame others in their loneliness (family, former spouses, friends).

Periodically (temporarily) single

There are many social contacts and connections, active, but need close and intimate relations, from which periodically feel abandoned.

Passively and steadily lonely

These are people who feel the loneliness of constantly in need of loved ones, but acceptable and not trying to change anything, often hiding a true state ("No one needs. I have. Everything is fine").

Existential loneliness as a separate view

Last time, words and phrases containing "existentizio" were very popular, that is, "existence". Existentialism is called direction in philosophy about the very essence of the human existence.

Existential loneliness are subject to those who adhere to the opinion of the loneliness of all souls. That is, everything that has a permanent person is a soul. Otherwise, he is alone, and outside of his personality does not feel support and support in the world as such. The adherent of such a worldview believes that each person is unique in his feelings and thoughts, and therefore always alone.

• A man feels his relationship with space, a higher destination, supervisionality. He experiences the entire spectrum of emotions and states, up to depression.
• Such loneliness is on the verge of pathology and norms.
• On the one hand, it is a distorted disturbed perception of the world, a constant anxiety and a sense of loneliness.
• On the other hand, a person is usually mentally healthy. With this crisis of loneliness are closely related issues of life and death, the essence of being. But this is a completely different topic.

Signs of lonely person

Lonely people can be signed in the crowd, despite the fact that their loneliness acquires other forms. Lonely people:

• dislike sociable and happy people;
• overly focused on themselves, interrupt, translate the conversation;
• sullen;
• alarming;
• unquireless or vice versa are excessively attentive to others;
• sometimes unnecessarily critical and straightforward;
• aggressive;
• annoyed on trifles;
• conflict or vice versa excessively compliant;
• certificate;
• do not express their opinion;
• hypocrite;
• do not always control your behavior;
• have psychological pressure on others;
• experience discomfort in companies;
• can not have fun (can sometimes under alcohol);
• have difficulties in a situation where you need to agree, call, solve an important personal and business question;
• feel unnecessary, incompetent, unloved;
• self-critical;
• tells to self-vaccination.

Thus, a lonely person is either too benevolent, so that he is not repelled, either overly rude, for which he repels again. Sometimes there is mixed behavior. That is, humans have no standard models of interaction with people. Depending on the type of loneliness, it is poured into aggression or depressed. Anyway, the lonely man is not happy.

Causes of solitude

The most popular cause of loneliness is the fear of being rejected. Often it prevents a person from the comfort zone, try a new role, which increases the feeling of internal emptiness. It turns out a vicious circle.

Thus, for the reasons of loneliness belongs:

• low social organization (social loneliness);
• gap personality and significant relationships, relationships (divorce, death, relocation);
• the complex of loneliness (personal characteristic, item, that is, fear of possible alienation or loneliness, despite the preservation of social relations);
• inclusion in society (existential loneliness);
• certain personality features (narcissism, aggression, mania of magnitude, closure, shyness, anxiety);
• formulation of unreal purposes;
• cultivation of unreasonable needs;
• a shortage of full-fledged communication (there is no emotional response from other people, although the surface ties and communication can be a lot).

Allocate more global causes of loneliness:

• urbanization;
• population growth;
• competition;
• public concept of individualism;
• change of socio-political and economic Life Countries and more.

That is, all that separates people from each other or breaks into different "camps".

What to do?

Overcoming solitude - achieving freedom. This is the basis of this activity, first of all, work and (according to E. Fromma theory). The structure of loneliness includes subjectivity, and self-actualization. With it, I propose to work. I'll say right away: you need to work (you!), It will be difficult and hurt, but over time - it is interesting and pleasant.

1. You must clearly see the goal with which you want to get rid of loneliness. Without goaling and motivation, no psychocorrection costs. Consider as far as the options "Prize", appreciate all the advantages and disadvantages. Clean what you need to donate, and that the goal will give you. Select a landmark. Why do you want to get rid of loneliness? For what, not why. Actually, this is the first point in the fight against loneliness.
2. Put the real goals and conditions of interaction with people. Destroy unrealistic ideas about people and relationships.
3. Continuing above: Learn your strong and weak sidesAnd after work with this. Personal diagnostics (identify possible congenital backgrounds of your loneliness). For the techniques, we recommend contacting the agency A. O. Prokhorov "Methods of diagnosis and measurement of mental states: tutorial». Special attention Please note the third "diagnosis of neuropsychic tension and its manifestations" and chapter the fourth "diagnosis of mental states in a situation of life." It is right here and pass all the tests and questionnaires (diagnostics of stress, anxiety, asthenic state, emotional burnout, subjective feeling of loneliness, depression, mood, frustration, self-esteem, uncertainty, self-regulation). Highly recommend! All in one book. Get to know finally with true! Find out the type of your character, temperament, stressful and prosperous situations for you. Your innate features (there is something that we cannot change; you need to accept and stop tormented yourself).
4. It is important to decompose your loneliness (because you are unique, and therefore your loneliness is unique) on the shelves. Remit reasons. What are they? External or internal? Permanent or situational? Stable or changeable?
5. Fight with your fears, anxieties, injuries (someone's death, divorce, parting with mother in childhood, heavy parting with a beloved person, forced flight), that is, "roots" who keep you within loneliness. All that reveal with the help of techniques, analyze and decide what bothers you. It is necessary to find what you sank and continues to hide and produce "toxins" somewhere in you. And then work out it.
6. Find out your psychological protection mechanisms and ways to respond to stress, conflict, parting, and so on (you can also find test techniques). Do not these mechanisms led you to such a state? If so, you need to change them.
7. Try to remember when you first felt loneliness, which could become a trigger, and how you changed after that.
8. Remember yourself "old", rate, with what you can return there (if that model I arrange you).
9. Prophons all your thoughts, images, feelings. Try to visualize them and structuring or expressing in verses, drawings, prose.
10. Seam your instincts and public opinion exposure, reinforce your own position and rationality of actions, according to the situation and your beliefs.
11. Visit the psychotherapist, if you can not cope with the outstanding "Mouth".

1. Increase communication skills and skills (sign up for spectrary art courses). Social contacts are impossible without communication.
2. Expand the horizons. Loneliness, itself without guessing, offers you profitable terms. Overdo it and use with your benefit: develop, study yourself, fight what does not suit.
3. Find (if lost, if not - the better) I (interests, beliefs, values). Join the club for interests, on the basis of interests, find like-minded people.
4. We go to public places, make dating and communications (I warned that it will "hurt").
5. Think than you are guided by selection of the environment. If you do not pay attention to appearance, why do you think others pay? It is not, not all.
6. Reinforce your actions positive memories of previous experience, discard negative.
7. Take the fact that truth is born in contradictions. Do not be afraid to be yourself. Cognition and rapprochement of two people occurs, including through constructive criticism, the expression of desires and discontent, discussion of needs and problems (personal and general). If you are afraid to be rejected, remember that people are much more common than you think.
8. Make a rating of the desired relationship. That is, write down those people with whom we would like to get acquainted with a closer look. Weekly, call them with them (mark it on a sheet) and agree on meetings.
9. With unsuccessful meetings (they, of course, will), write up your actions that have probably led to this. At the next meeting, try to avoid them and evaluate the result. So over time you can build your personal models of the desired and unwanted behavior.
10. If your self-regulation suffers, mental resistance to the effect of outside, then I propose to sign up for trainings (personal growth, manipulation resistance) or master the self-regulation techniques (autotrehenings).
11. Take a volunteering. There you have social contacts, and a sense of significance, and improving self-esteem. But! As always, it is important that this goes from the soul did not contradict your setups (for example, some people are very poorly belonging to people without a permanent place of residence, then what volunteering can we talk about).
12. Learn to understand other people. You can also pass trainings on building relationships. Learn empathy, empathy.
13. Respect the worldview of other people just like their own. That is, hold the position, but do not impose it.
14. Evaluate the information that comes to you. Fuck stereotypes, rumors, unverified facts from the Internet. Books and personal communication to you to help!
15. Get petty. It's not just that you need to take care of it. It is still necessary to drive it into the branches, you can discuss his problems with someone or funny behavior. Feel about what I say (social contacts)?

Loneliness as need

Everyone wants (yes what is there, he needs it) to be understood, recognized and in demand in prophoving And in the eyes of other people. In the presence of these facts and their harmony, a person will not feel lonely.

It is important to understand that loneliness - an integral part of Our life, and according to A. Oil and the highest need to achieve self-actualization of the individual. You do not transfer loneliness, but yourself. Loneliness must be manageable and necessary for self-knowledge. That is, you need to not get rid of loneliness, but from destructive translate it into a constructive (creating personality, and not destroying). But it is important to remember that on the other hand, loneliness in the form of long social deprivation (unsatisfied needs) is dangerous and not naturally for a person.

Remember you are not alone. You are potentially free! And in the end there are only two points in overcoming loneliness: make friends (sort out, understand) with you, and then with others.

Popular errors

Loneliness reduces people crazy (in the literal sense, alienating, diffuse and dissociated loneliness can go into pathology) and pushes to make mistakes that only aggravate the situation. The widespread errors to get rid of loneliness belongs:

• care of alcohol, drugs, another illusion;
• attempts to enter any company, try on someone else's personality, just not to be lonely;
• join any group, to take for any business to be needed, even if it contradicts his own worldview;
• be annoying;
• ignore the situation, wait for self-discord.

RESULTS

Thus, loneliness is a sense of lack (loss) in the life of a person of what or anyone personally significant. It is dangerous for a person: threatens its freedom, individuality and identity.

But on the other hand, it can be said that this is a specific version of self-perception, self-awareness. By taking loneliness, you can find the conviction in the uniqueness of yourself and others, to realize the value of human relations. The tamed loneliness is the basis for building confidence relations with himself and others.

If you can't cope with solitude yourself, suicidal thoughts suffer from you, then you must visit the specialist!

Literature on the topic

• Jean-Michel Kotodo "Taming of loneliness."
• K. Grof and S. Grof "Furious search for yourself: Manual for personal growth through a transformation crisis."
• L. Svendsen "Solitude Philosophy". This book will help not only figure out the phenomenon of loneliness, but also to find the boundaries between your I and other people will teach the understanding of myself and others, to take responsibility for your life (including loneliness), will explain the subtle patterns of loneliness and friendship, love , trust.

If you are experiencing cognitive dissonance (internal mismatch, contradiction), and probably experience, then I recommend reading an article. There are also some recommendations. To parse issues of fear and anxiety, jealousy, uncertainty, I propose to read articles ,.

Be a unique, self-sufficient, constantly developing personality, and then no possible loneliness will overtake you. Remember that you have many alternative elections. And it is beautiful, not scary!

You daily return home where no one is waiting for you, and almost lost hope to arrange your personal life? Or maybe you have a family, husband and children, but even with them, you stay alone with your problems? It's time to sort out yourself, think about how to get rid of loneliness and change your life for the better.

When there is no beloved person, sooner or later you begin to feel the emptiness. Emptiness in the shower. Someone begins apathy and depression, someone with his head goes to work, extinguishing houses only at night, someone is immersed in the world of television or the Internet. But all the same state is the same - this is spiritual discomfort.

Some will say that they like to be lonely, and will lead a lot of arguments in favor of this state. For example, no responsibility and complete freedom. And maybe self-sufficiency and lack of time for personal life. In fact, hiding behind with these excuses, a person allows himself to be lonely.

Why are people alone?

The reason for this state is most often the usual fear. Perhaps, in the past, there were already failed relationships, and the person is afraid to start everything from scratch, so that it does not hurt. Or this is a complex of inferiority, which is based on the same fear. Untustible person is afraid not to justify the hope of the future chosen one. Or even lowers handsless hands: no one meets with me. At the same time, it is usually not thinking about what he himself does nothing in order to interest someone.

Statistics says that in the metropolis of lonely people much more. Large cities disagree, and do not solidize people. This is because in major cities A small percentage of indigenous people. The main mass is migrants from other cities or even countries that brought up in the spirit of their local traditions, where there are their behaviors, words, gestures. Once in the megapolis, such people usually experience difficulties in communicating.

Video about the classification of a sense of loneliness

How to get rid of loneliness in life

We look into the problem

First, you need to realize the problem. Having removed all excuses, tell me: Yes, I am alone. And put the goal to get rid of this state. You need to analyze your behavior, think that you do wrong. Perhaps it is worth reconsidering his tunes of communication, it may be worthwhile to change the wardrobe or refuse some habits.

From what solitude will we get rid of?!

To get rid of the sense of loneliness, the first thing should be understood and will determine which impressions and information is not enough to fill this deficiency, because the needs of everyone are different and lonely people in different ways. Is it possible to compare a person who remained in the world one-one-one, without relatives and friends, with a "lonely" housewife, living with her husband, children, dog, cat, hamster and her husband's parents? Of course not. Therefore, it's stupid and completely useless to advise a lonely person to go to the club or get a new girlfriend or a friend if he needs something completely different. Moving the wrong way, an attempt to get rid of the sense of loneliness turns into flight from loneliness, which can even more enhance unpleasant feelings and even lead to the deplorable consequences: disorderly sexual relations, and not filling out emissions, deep depressions, apathy, alcoholism and even suicides.

Trying to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness, many begin to act on a given template - they hang in noisy companies, change as gloves of guys or girls, change their spouses, but the feeling of loneliness remains. And all because not the beast feed. So, if there is not enough tactile sensations, it is enough to sign up for dancing, massage courses or struggle; visual - visiting exhibitions, shows, theaters; You need to give someone love and care - get a dog or cat. It is important that the "psychological hunger" was thickened before joining new serious relations, otherwise new communication will be subordinate to the same hunger.

We increase self-esteem and change the world

As you can get rid of loneliness, if you yourself consider yourself unworthy friendship, respect and love. With such negative installations, there will be no case, because often we ourselves are subconsciously cut off from people, we close invisible doors, without uttering a word, drive everyone away. The cause of loneliness is not in the surrounding world, but in ourselves. How often it seems to us that the whole world is against us, and in fact - this is us against the world. Love yourself and the world will love you! Swipe off the doors, take a step and get out of the seashell, in which you drive yourself.

We like it or not, but we always find what we are looking for, consciously or unconsciously. It seems to be all my heart and soul, we wish not alone, but at the same time send the promise that we are not worthy of something more.

An interesting parable was brought in one of his books a well-known doctor and writer Dipac Chopra:

Once in the village, where the old gray-haired sage-sufi lived, a traveler appeared, who went straight to the sage.

"I don't know right if I should go through your village," he said an old man. - Tell me, what do people live here, what can you wait from them?

- And where did you come from where you came to our edges, what did people live? - asked the Sufi.

"Only liars, crooks, and robbers from a big road," the travelers posted.

"We have the same thing," shrugged, the old man answered.

The traveler and the trail has bothered. There was no hour as another wanderer closed into the village. He also found the wise Sufi and addressed him for advice:

- I do not know the local places and do not decide to go through the village. Could you tell me what people live here?

- What kind of people in your native edges? - asked the sage.

- Oh, my countrymen are the most hospitable, the most humble, the most kind, most soft and fracture people on Earth. I miss them so much!

- Local people are the same, - without thinking, answered the old man.

So, looking in the mirror of our relations with people and the world, we actually know ourselves.

Revising existing relationships

So that the person was very alone, it happens extremely rare, because there are relatives, and colleagues, fellow students, and friends-comrades, and perhaps a loved one. Where does loneliness come from? Most often from our own selfishness and unwillingness to take people as they are. Perhaps we do not get what we want, because we ourselves do not give them something important and necessary. Want to get - Learn to give! Want attention - be careful! Want love - love! Loneliness is when, talking to a man, you understand that he does not hear you, that he himself is trying to tell you something, but you don't hear it either. Hear to be heard!

Secrets of transformation

Under the laying stone, as you know, water does not flow. There is no sense in self-definition. It is better to do something and make a mistake than not to do anything at all. Change yourself and the world around you will also change. The transformation should be both external and internal. To begin with, we go to the hairdresser, in the beauty salon, change the wardrobe. Meet still on the clothes, and only then look into the depths of the soul. Well, while there and went here, the thoughts of the loneliness went somewhere, and the mood was noticeably improved. Next, there is a more serious and painstaking work - to learn to be an interesting, positive and enjoyable person in communicating. Psychological trainings and courses on personal growth and development will help in this, where you also expect new acquaintances, knowledge, impressions and emotions.

We go out

If there really lack people and you need to expand the circle of communication, go to people! Not in notorious cafes and clubs, but in theaters, museums, on the presentation, and just in the city park for a walk. People for the company will probably find. It may be friends or colleagues, neighbors or virtual acquaintances.

As often, in response to an invitation to a party, to a wedding or somewhere can be heard somewhere: "I have no one to go. What will I do one there? ". And at home to sit alone better, or what? Go! It certainly to go, and there will be visible, maybe someone is interesting and drew.

You can go to the resort or in a sanatorium. It is not necessary to ask the company to make the same lonely girlfriend. It's better to go alone. It's easier to meet. When you meet, do not be afraid to show your interest in communication. The main thing is not to be confused with obsession. How to stop being lonely in someone else's city? Drop your complexes, shyness and shame and spending evenings in public places.

So that new people appear around, it makes sense to sign up for any courses - a driver's, foreign language, personal growth or ballroom dancing. It is preferable to choose courses that you really interest and where it is possible to communicate with the opposite sex. In this case, the probability of finding a person close in the spirit increases, and free time is filled with a pleasant and informative pastime.

Path to God

Many, especially those who feel unnecessary and lonely, having everything that can only dream of, only faith in God helps to solve the dilemma, which fills the life of every person who can be entrusted with all his joys and troubles, which always listens and understand . When the fire burns faith and love in the heart, even being absolutely alone, a person will not be alone. After reading the last item, many cynically grin, but often it is this way and is the answer to all questions.

To change your life for the better, you just need to want it.

A person is peculiar to different psychological states. Joy is replaced by sadness, confidence - confusion. Sometimes, for example, it seems that the whole world left you. About how to get rid of a sense of loneliness, for sure at least once in life every person was conceived. And it was not always the way out quickly. Because the condition does not occur spontaneously and suddenly does not disappear. But any phenomenon has its reasons, especially in the field of psychology.

• the hopeless sense of loneliness when a person is not satisfied with his relationship with others, but cannot change them;
• sustainable - here it is already aspirated and leads a passive lifestyle;
• periodic - sometimes socially active people suddenly find themselves in a communication vacuum, this condition passes after a while;
• voluntary - people deliberately limit themselves for some time in communication, without discomfort.

These types are added causes of such a psychological state.

W. Kolbel highlights such a type as "proud" loneliness, allowing individuals to reveal new forms of freedom, increasing models of communication with people

The reasons

Psychologists engaged in this problem allocate several main reasons for this condition:

• low self-esteem;
• false expectations;
• stiffness in communication, inability to communicate;
• fear of loneliness;
• negative former experience (this, first of all, belongs to women).

Low self-esteem

Most researchers note that it is laid since childhood. The child often scolded parents, humiliated teachers, peers teased for any disadvantage or stiffness in communication. Anyway, a person, an adult, remembers his state of humiliation, and he is often very difficult to overcome him.

How to do it? There are two ways to get rid of yourself from self-vacation. You can contact the specialists who, affecting the psyche, will try to return you a sense of confidence. And you can consciously try to raise the bar of your assessment.

The main thing is that it is necessary to understand - understated self-esteem develops under the influence of others.

That is, if you treat you as a person without initiatives, interesting decisions or just a boring companion, this does not mean that in fact everything is. Just you yourself gave a reason to think about yourself.

But the person who, let's say, will be alone on a desert island, there will be no such self-esteem. He is not to prove his worthwhile. He is unlikely to sit down and thinking about what everything falls out of his hands. He will fight for survival and the opportunity to somehow contact the outside world.

This is necessary to do with low self-esteem. It is important to fight for your ability to be a full member of society, a team, family.

Psychologists believe that there are 2 types of loneliness. The first is the subjective separation from society, the second - as if a separation from itself, indifference to itself. Often they are interrelated.

We still need to remember that even an objective self-esteem is not always the right way to get rid of loneliness. Suppose you really can't do something at work or in the family, and you can not change anything. The recognition of this will seem to be a fair assessment of yourself. But the process failure cannot last forever. Under some other circumstances, everything will be fine, and you have forces for this.

Improved self-esteem is better changed to a little overpriced, with a perspective. And then loneliness will change calm relationships with others.

Daily workouts and outdoor activities perfectly strengthen the body and spirit that increases self-esteem

False expectations

This cause of loneliness is most often characteristic of women in family and loving relationships. American psychologist Stefan Wolinski wrote that the syndrome of false expectations is akin to the feelings of a child, which is separated from the womb. Everything goes wrong how he would like. Life becomes completely different.

The origins of the possible appearance of false expectations can also wonder in childhood when the child surrounded care, love, tried to predict every desire. And here the girl will grow up, becomes a woman. Intuitively wants the same warmth, the same fulfillment of desires, especially in love relationships.

But everything goes a little wrong. A loved one does not become one with her, does not always pay a lot of attention to her, sometimes communication becomes hard. Often a woman at the same time closes, offended, experiencing a sharp sense of loneliness.

Meanwhile, the yield lies on the surface. You only need to admit that a person from whom you are waiting for an increased and constant attention to yourself, there is a life, their own interests. He can not think and feel absolutely the same as you.

By the way, false expectations can manifest itself not only in family relationships. Let's say you suddenly seems to be that someone from colleagues belongs to you at work rudely and arrogantly, and you are moving away from him. But it is quite possible that the person treats you well, in a friendly, just you need too much from him.

Formulate your expectations so as to give a second half the right to an error, reduce a little bar

Inability to communicate

Sometimes a person finds himself in isolation from others (or it seems to him) if he does not know how to support the conversation in time, say a good word or just to tell the anecdote. Most often, the origins of such behavior also go from childhood, if the parents did not support good relations in the family, and everyone lived separately from each other. Here you need to teach yourself the right, relaxed communication.

But sometimes it happens like this: lonely people lead the conversation deliberately unnaturally, even negligiously towards others. From such habits you need to get rid of.

Each contact with a person requires the ability to listen and show patience

An important value has appearance interlocutor. Change your image. Make another hairstyle, buy new clothes. This also gives confidence.

Fear of unnecessaryness and negative experience

Fear of being no one needed - the phenomenon is quite frequent. It is felt after divorces, after the children are separated from their parents, or a close man is dying. The main thing is not to give this fear of mastering themselves, resist him. There is always a person who may experience the same feelings or experienced ever. Take a look at others, you will surely find with whom at least talk.

Do not expect from other reels, do not be afraid not to please someone at a party or new acquaintances

The same applies to the former negative experience. For example, a divorce is not at all reason to think that all men or women are the same as your former half.

The disease is that

The theory has emerged in the United States, according to which loneliness, as a virus, can be transmitted from person to person. Say, at a certain time of the year or in a certain place of lonely people, it is suddenly more, and this mental handon lasts longer.

Indeed, there are so-called mental diseases that form a negative attitude to reality in humans. However, loneliness, rather, social phenomenon than the disease. And no virus can be transmitted.

Just a lonely person in communication is overly aggressive, irritable. This condition can be transmitted at the psychological level and affect the desire of people to communicate with others.

How to get rid of sense of loneliness

Basic principles

• learn to be happy man It is here, now, next to these people;
• try to take care of anyone. Always somewhere nearby people who need people, especially old men. They are also alone, but very interesting in communication;
• avoid free time: do sports, find yourself a hobby, part-time - additional money will help to update the wardrobe or more often to visit exhibitions and concerts. There you will attract the attention of others;
• understand the reasons - maybe you yourself are to blame for communication, and not surrounding. Be tolerant to others, look in them not flaws, and advantages.

Find a "trigger"

We will also be a hike to a psychologist. The specialist will help you find a "trigger", after pressing which, figuratively speaking, there was a shot of loneliness. It could be some kind of negative event: the death of a loved one, parting with his beloved, whose disease, dismissal from work, etc. It is necessary to clearly determine for yourself that all this is already in the past, life continues for you, this Chance can not be neglected. It is necessary to learn to accumulate positive emotions, find them even in the smallest.

A change of scenery

Sometimes it is recommended to go on vacation or go to the tour, go to the sea. But rest alone is also not always pleased. Another thing is that it is somewhere on the sea you can meet a friend or a loved one. Only the majority of similar novels ends with the end of the holiday season, and then you again have to return to a lonely apartment.

Change the situation can also be changed, having left for the city on the weekend, drowning the repair by setting new job and so on

And if it does not help

Try and in the current state to find our advantages. Take yourself by self-improvement: Read, even compose something. It will enhance your erudition, and the interest of others will increase to you too.

Start the dog, not in vain about this tool from loneliness wrote more bunin. In addition, the walking with a pet is probably introduced you to other owners.

Before loneliness you can not give up. And it should always be remembered - you can beat this condition that you can, if you believe in yourself and stop it from the surrounding world.

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If the feeling of helplessness, hopelessness and despair does not pass more than two weeks, it may be worth talking to a psychologist-consultant or psychotherapist. Well, if your case is not so difficult, here are some tips, how to quickly get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness.

1. Do, not think

Loneliness as if it envelops us. As a result, we spend too much time, sorry yourself and at the same time do nothing. And most often confident that it is not changed. From such thoughts you need to refuse immediately. Find what you can do right now. Acting, not thinking, you will take out of the infinite cycle of gloomy thoughts. Work in the garden. Make cleaning in the garage. Wash the car. Job with neighbors. Call friends and go with them in a cafe or movie. Go for a walk. The change in the situation will help to distract from the oppressive melancholy. It is impossible to suffer if something is busy.

2. Be to yourself the kinder

When we are depressed, the selflessness will not help. But unfortunately, we all do it all, not wanting. For example, they made a mistake at work, which cost expensive, or quarreled with a partner or another and now do not speak with him. Or maybe we have too many expenses, and money to take nowhere. Instead of discussing with someone all that bothers us, we spend it in yourself. And as a result, we feel incredibly lonely.

When we feel bad, it is important to take care of yourself

When we feel bad, it is important to take care of yourself. In fact, we often forget about this because of more urgent problems. As a result, it is not enough, we eat badly, do not engage in sports, overload yourself. It's time to "reboot" and restore the lost balance, Feel fluently physically. Go to the park, take the bathroom, read the book in your favorite cafe.

3. Do not close

Although one can be in a crowd, communication helps to distract at least for a while. The best medicine is to get out of the house and find yourself a company. Well, if this is a company of friends, but group classes, mugs for interest, travel and hiking in groups is also a great way out. It is difficult to think as sad, during an interesting conversation.

4. Discover something new

Guaranteed way to combat sad feelings - to open and recognize a new one. When you include "curiosity gene" and do what you truly intrigue and interests, the places for the Handra do not remain. Try to go to work on a new road.

Plan a small journey for one day, Visit the surrounding attractions: small towns, parks, forests, reserves, museums, memorable places. In the road, try to learn something new, get acquainted with new people to have something to remember.

5. Help others

A sure way to stop sorry yourself - to help another. This does not mean that you need to immediately escape to save homeless people. There are other ways. Disassemble the wardrobe, collect things that you no longer wear, and give them to a charitable organization.

Distribute the needy old, but working electronics, dishes, furniture, bed linen, toys and other unnecessary things. It will be useful for them, but even more useful for you. If among the neighbors there are pensioners, while sick or just lonely people who need support, visit them, talk, treat something delicious, play board games. Even you are lonely, imagine what is it? Alone overcome loneliness easier. Remember, you can get rid of negative emotions with the help of conscious efforts.

About expert

Suzanne Kane is a psychologist, a journalist, a film storage, living in Los Angeles. Her website: suzannekane.net

On the Internet you can find a lot of tips on how to get rid of loneliness, and if you consult a psychologist, then I am sure he will tell you about the following: "... you are afraid of loneliness, you have insomnia .... Autumn weather also affects ... Yes, you have in stage ... "Then he advises to drink a mother-in-law before bedtime, walk in the evenings and ... a lot of similar nonsense. Please note that it will take for this a considerable amount.

How to get rid of loneliness and find a loved one.

On the topic of loneliness, we have already written more than once articles on the site, for example, very helpful information here:

To fill yourself with energy, you can make a practice "", and you can ... try to do what I will offer in this article.

You can and whether to get rid of a person from a sense of loneliness.

My recipe for how to get rid of loneliness, is simple - it is not necessary to get rid of solitude. We "don't get rid" from suddenly rolling in love, we
Even from wounds, we do not "get rid" - we are "sliding" them (sometimes it helps the time).

Everything that is given above - is given with a certain goal. It is necessary to extract from this lesson, pass it, and then this situation will disappear, because the lesson passed, the conclusions are made and there is no longer the conclusions in this situation. But if the conclusions are not done, nothing changes, then all this can delay for a long time.

It happens that the situation is repeated from time to times, and the reason is not clear for us. The conclusion seems impossible to do and want only to regret yourself and blame the fate of the Slobility, which is so unfair.

What to do then, because it turns out a vicious circle. Then, as in any life situation, the specialist will be better helpful. Here on the site you can find many examples and, when with the help of a professional healer, people solved the question of loneliness very quickly and easily. And now they are surprised and rejoice in life.

Some examples can be found here:

How to get rid of solitude man

If you happened to experience this feeling - loneliness, remember when it came to you? What preceded this? What caused loneliness? Just answer yourself extremely frankly. I am sure, almost everyone will end like this: "But, indeed, my in that wine is, and, alas, considerable", or so: "If I were then ... I said out ... stopped ... I would not trust so sincer ... I didn't allow emotions to take the top of me ..."

And now, when you stayed alone with you, you consider loneling the punishment for your mistakes. NOTHING LIKE THIS!!! Simply, it's time to look at yourself, on your life on the other side.

"Alone everyone sees in itself what he really is," - saidthe famous German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. Indeed, only remaining alone with you, we can look at the truth (although ... this is sometimes a very unpleasant "process"). Unfortunately, life cannot be reworked back as a film, it is impossible to return anything from irrevocably drowned past, but !!! You can "click on the pause." Actually, loneliness is that "pause", with which you can make a breather, turn back to see if you go, or, it's not too late, it's time to turn.

Make loneliness to your ally.

Let it work for you. You will not argue with the fact that loneliness comes when some unpleasant changes occur in life. Betrayal friend / girlfriend, work loss, forced relocation, breaking with his "half", departure from the life of a loved one ... - this is not full list Factors after which emptiness comes, and this is loneliness. In such cases, we are trying to fill in "this emptiness" in vain - you distracted yourself with cotton houses, make purchases (in more than Unnecessary), we suggest a visit, - in a word, trying to deceive yourself, your heart is that everything is good that "I did not give in to this feeling." So what? Helped? It is unlikely ... how many do not say "Halva", and in the mouth will not be sweeter ...

Simply, accept loneliness as a givenness, do not be afraid of it, it is, and only it may have the most "medicine" that you are so vain. You were thrown, betrayed, confused ... it's hard for you, the world seems so big and stranger and
Ready is about to get on you ... who can save? Only you! Go to yourself, let it be stupidly walking in the park, enjoying !!! Union with me.

How to get rid of loneliness and depression

Loneliness will help you understand what you really want. Look at the very depth of your heart, remember your children's dream - did you exercise it? If not, then ... has it been time? Take a look at a different angle for your life: Yes, you were betrayed, yes, threw ... Yes, you feel bad, but !!! they were lost to you, and
You got rid of them! What happiness, what happened now, when there is still time to start life from a new page without ... Traitors, for example. Well, what happened easier?

Once I leaving, I threw anger and despair in a rustling such a chilling phrase: "I will live without you, but you are not!"- slammed the door and ... as if boiling water was scratched suddenly came to his senses: well, who I am lying? I can't ... but they can ... You know, these words turned out to be prophetic ... Whether the power of thought was colossal at that time, whether the release from these words was so strong, which is different and could not happen. I do not know. But then I was helped by loneliness.

Marine surf noise, free car
time and ... the desire to figure it out in everything - that's what helped me then. People from my life, as if cards from the deck, began to gather in a certain card house, began to swim some unavailable facts, for which I did not pay attention before, everything came together - a card house could not disappear! Too much in it was "Sixer" ...

Loneliness helped me. The emptiness did not have to fill!

She was dissolved herself, and in return came a new vision of my life. An important role in the formation on the path of happiness and good played in my life the course Oksana Manhano. Already the first part of the "Week changes life" - this is 10 hours of practitioners who showed the roots of the brackets of my loneliness. Life is really possible and even need to be changed! The main thing is not to be afraid to look into the truth. Recognize your weaknesses, recognize your mistakes, and ... learn how to make life as it is. Maybe then you do not have to get rid of loneliness? He just will not be a place in your life! Be happy!

If loneliness does not leave your life, and you cannot get rid of it yourself, Oksana Mananyo healer has a lot of experience in helping lonely people to find, both half and just close people around. Write to mail

Book with me your diagnosis in the photo. I will tell you about the reasons for your problems and tell you the best ways out of the situation.